Monday, March 2, 2009

The Love Bleed

It's not a great feeling when someone we care about rejects our attempts to become closer to them. Men and women act differently to this. In reality, 99% of all people want a real relationship and would love to have a special someone… somebody with whom they could at last let their guard down, and go through true love.

So, what's going wrong? Is it the physical appearance or is it the emotional bond which displays hindrance? Of course I don't want to discuss the attractive and beautiful mortals who are smart, sexy, handsome, and maybe successful because these are always flirted with and approached all the time. I want to discuss the average looking but the romantic some things that fall in-and-out of love everyday.

In realism, I and virtually all other men in this planet, have never ejected away from a woman because we weren't “ready for a kinship” or because we “needed to take things slow” whilst that’s what we must and may have communicated at the time. The long and short of the reason we pulled out is that if the woman is not the same woman we fell in love with then how can we continue being in love? The problem with women is that with time they start the "ownership" game. Instead of maintaining individualities they over-do, over-worry, over-analyze and start working too hard to keep the relationship going. In short they over-function, crib about everything, over-imagine and worst of all express it out thinking that they are working on the "relationship." Well, does that work? The hell it works! Men may act emotionally bull-like, indifferent, and impregnable, but most men are astonishingly fragile emotionally. The truth is that it's just the baseline part of their more “masculine” physical composition not to portray or communicate about these things all the time so as to avoid the created chance for connection and intimacy.

Men and women cogitate problems and situations in different mannerisms. So what makes signified from a woman's angle is so different what actually works with a man. So if one acts so predictable and lacks all emotional intelligence, its enough to prove that one is going to be less and less fun and easygoing as time goes on. It's not at all fair but if a sensible woman doesn't know how to create attraction for her man and is insensitive to a man's emotional opening-up and closing, how will the man feel it for her, even if the connection used to be there. Things go automatically in his mind, "what the hell! When did this bend from all that fun, excitement of love into a lot of commitment and work? And to top it all, women tend to chain love by keep wanting a "serious talk" every time, defining and redefining the relationship. They keep trying to chain the relationship alive but in actuality end up pushing the guy away. This is the cliche!

Both men and women would like to meet on top of the scenic mountain hand in hand but only if men realize that women may not have the physical strength to climb it and only if women realize that it may be too boring for the man on top of the mountain. Only if…

28 comments:

Crafty Shines said...

fall-in-and-out-of-love everyday!! but u know, i think it is those who change, control, bore n get bored n finally conquer all of that to realise, "hey, we're still best of friends" who r the lucky "lived happily ever after" types. i mean, ya, ppl change, but as long as u feel like u can talk about ANYTHING with the person without being judged - that's true love, given any relationship!

which is exactly why i ain't judging u on ur empathy towards the male-kind, while i have heard all the male woes u mentioned being voiced by my female friends about their guys! :P

but i will admit, ur last para...its quite a summing up! if only we could just chuck this mountain climbing n go to some beach instead! :D

Onthewingsofadream said...

I can write a similar one just by changing sexes ...I am fed of control freak guys ..and those end less discussions ...and in the end its like ' what the hell ' ..where is the fun ..Do I want to talk all this non-sense on the name of feelings all my life ....

U are so right ..In the end we need to try understanding that my way of spending an ideal day with someone may not be his ideal way a..and sometime u just have to understand and not discuss, human mind and heart appreciates actions more than words ...

Biju Mathews said...

@ Crafty Shines: Yeah, you are right when you say this, "..as long as u feel like u can talk about ANYTHING with the person without being judged - that's true love, given any relationship!..."

Ha ha. Yeah, beach sounds okay :-)

Thanks for commenting!

brocasarea said...

"men are from mars and women from venus"!!!:)

Biju Mathews said...

@ Onthewingsofadream: I agree, it's a never ending battle and discussion. How true, "..human mind and heart appreciates actions more than words ..." Thanks for coming by again

Sujeeth said...

Why dont we carry her to the scenic mountain, holding her tight, careful in every step not to fall down....
why dont we spent the whole life in the same way we cared for her when we carried her to the top of the mountain....
why dont we love her and make her feel special....

and she will reciprocate the same........

dont make things so complicated biju..... :-) juz kidding!!!!

Biju Mathews said...

@brocasarea: That book by John Gray is a wonderful read. Thank you!

Biju Mathews said...

@ Sujeeth: Thanks Sujeeth for coming by again. Yeah, you are right, "why don't we...." We are very selfish people with very selfish personal urges, with very selfish motives and very selfish way of seeing life. Only if...

nimis540 said...

hmm,so you men hate discussing?

Then how do you want to get out of irritative moments..Without opening my mouth,how do i let you know that ' i am upset with this',' i don't want to go there' etc etc..Telepathy?If men had understood everything in the minds of women,how beautiful this world have been..

Men need to understand that talking or discussing issues makes women relived and put down the burden of tension..Yes,maybe you don't like it,but does that mean we should keep our mouth shut just for your sake.Why don't you try to understand 'WHY' we want to discuss'..


///"what the hell! When did this bend from all that fun, excitement of love into a lot of commitment and work?


Oh well,with time comes to responsibilites and the tension thereon.Do you want your wife to remain the same old girlfriend she has been,in her 20+ ,while she is 50+ ?? You never can be so,and so do women ...


Oops,i was little bad in my words...sorry,just my bad mood :)

Som said...

But they certainly can do a lot together on top of the mountain :P

Jokes apart,

Think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Gibran

Preeti Sharma said...

From a woman's point of view - The perfect man has a high IQ and a higher EQ. And then they should want to make breakfast and be able to play the guitar and be able to hold their own on topics ranging from fish farming to ecofriendly cars...no one said men have it easy:-)

Pi said...

//Both men and women would like to meet on top of the scenic mountain hand in hand but only if men realize that women may not have the physical strength to climb it and only if women realize that it may be too boring for the man on top of the mountain. Only if…//

Too good a conclusion to the post...And so very true. Reminds me of this quote->
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
— Robert A. Heinlein

LOL..

-Pi

Biju Mathews said...

@ Pi: Ha ha. I've read that before. Thank you for coming by..

Men and dogs are ready to sleep, relax and get used to the idea but cats and women keep scratching and demanding attention. **wink; wink**

Biju Mathews said...

@ Preeti: Welcome to my blog. Men just pretend and pretend they are the superior race. Ha Ha :-)

Biju Mathews said...

@ Som: Welcome to my blog! Glad to know that you are a Khalil Gibran fan. It's easy to say that People can direct their course, of course they do it, but for how long? After all animal is a very selfish being when it comes to biological needs like hunger, thirst, love and sex

Biju Mathews said...

@ Nimmy: "....Without opening my mouth,how do i let you know that ' i am upset with this',' i don't want to go there' etc etc..Telepathy?..." -- This is the problem which I was trying to impart. Please don't think that I'm justifying only a man's point of view. Everytime women have these "discussions" there starts a communication gap between them. A gap in communication is defined as something which becomes a hinderance in the unusually expressive way they "used" to communicate, omitting nothing and expressing everything..

Solilo said...

Biju, Very few men write about relationships on blogs so it is refreshing to read your views.

"And to top it all, women tend to chain love by keep wanting a "serious talk" every time, defining and redefining the relationship. They keep trying to chain the relationship alive but in actuality end up pushing the guy away. This is the cliche!"

Hmm....this is the problem. Without communicating well how does one take relationship further? Most of the times couples takes things for granted and don't actually share their feelings or listen to the other person. Lack of communication is what makes things complicated ;)

Indyeah said...

agree with Solilo..lack of communication is the problem..

Biju Mathews said...

@ Solilo
@ Indyeah

I agree with both of you when you say that most of the times couples take life for granted and don't share their feelings but have you thought why? It's because both men and women sometimes share their feelings negatively and to avoid hurt they never put the subject again. Is that what young partners need? Slowly and gradually everything under the sky become taboo topics and only day to day chores become topics. This is the cliche, right?

shail said...

Biju, you say, " I and virtually all other men in this planet" Do you mean to say that you and all the other men on the planet, think and feel the same way and want the same things from life?? I cannot accept that. Not the sweeping statements about women either. Neither ALL men nor ALL women are the way you describe. Your views mentioned in this post may be the result of personal experience, but our personal experiences are just that, mere personal experiences, not yard sticks for measuring every man and woman on earth. After all we are all individuals, there are NO general statements to cover all of us. If it were so, the solutions would have been easy and found long ago. It is because we come in different shades and in different permutaions and combinations that there is no instant solution to relationships. The funny part is it depends on each of us to make our relationships work or if it doesn't to simply move on or if we cannot do that, to find some compromise formula. Playing blame games is just shoving off responsibilty of your own happiness on others. It does not work that way. Our happiness has to come from within us. It is our responsibility. If a man and woman want happiness, each works for it, not blame each other. When you point fingers at women and want them to accept men as they are, you have got to remember it applies both ways. Men also accept women as they are. Simple, isn't it?? More important FAIR, isn't it??
Then the matter of love, THAT is a different kettle of fish. Merely wanting a special someone is not enough. It is not everyone who can find love nor does it happen in ways determined by society/religion or any such thing. Love just happens.
Just my way of looking at things. :)

los said...

Whatever I wanted to say Shail has said already.It wud have been ok if u just said 'me' instead of 'men'.

Aizan Suhaira said...

Hi Biju..
Are there really still women out there who self-diagnose a relationship?

Because the women I hang out with are becoming more and more 'detached' - for lack of a better word.

'You wanna go hang out with the boys? Sure, go ahead! Have fun baby! Muaahhhhhhhh....'

Although I of course do know another set of women who are clingy too.

As for me... I'm the kind who hardly ever asks my guy (now ex, just in case you're wondering) out to dinner, or to come over... although he was always welcomed at anytime. Almost.

But how do you really differentiate between a relationship and a friendship with benefits?

All relationships need work and it's not all fun all the time. How do we strike a balance?

I guess we'll never know. Or else there won't be break-ups, divorces and infidelities.

Biju Mathews said...

@ Shail: Thank you for coming by. I very much respect your criticism since your posts on your blog reflect the maturity of a thinker. I agree that I may have generalized "men" and "women." I'm sorry! I also agree that, "..there are NO general statements to cover all of us..." I was merely trying to point out the different mannerisms they both traverse on. The destination is always the same - love and let live and peace with each other. Isn't it? Each person is an individual with distinct feelings and behaviours, so is it feasible for partners to try change each other? The "talking" is usually the idea. Communication with a space for thought is what is required and not immediate action. This creates resentment and a situation of avoidance. In all the complaints I recieve from partners everyday involves the "behavioural change" charges. I was basically trying to point out that.

I also agree that "love" just happens. Thank you!

Biju Mathews said...

@ los: Thank you. I accept my mistake for extrapolating.

Biju Mathews said...

@ Aizan Suhaira: Thanks for visiting! I agree that out of desperation, more and more women are becoming detached. But "too detached" and as you said, break-ups, divorces and infidelities are on the rise. Striking a balance as I believe is to have a common set of friends. Friends who don't judge you, friends who live and let live.

I guess we all need to shake away those old convictions and start living as friends. I know its easier said than done and even friends develop egos but somewhere down the future the sun will peak out of those dark clouds and lighten up a rainbow which most couples want to see.

Som said...

But why should man be selfless ?! The reason that Man is selfish makes him a man ...

Destination Infinity said...

That was a good article. The psyche of men and women was well analyzed. I think the fun in a relationship is mainly because of the differences. But the issue is also the same looks like ;-)

Destination Infinity

Winnie the poohi said...

Only if.. thats where the buck ends no ?

The life stops at if only *sigh*