Monday, February 23, 2009

Fractured Fairy Love Tales


Sometimes I realize that my life is like a fairy tale which did not complete. A fairy tale that just died before it started. A complete lie which was told to me as a tale. There is never a happy ending. We are all condemned earthlings sent by the creator, who knows our inevitable fate but we hold firm beliefs of oblivion, of heaven, of hell. In theory we are simple morons who consume, who drink ourselves into a happy stupor, perform our daily obligations, and use one another for social amusement.

Several factors play importance in our using up one another to live. The first thing that is requisite is a personality that does not switch based on a particular situation. Does one stand firm to one's values and persona despite the chance for shortcuts and noetic laziness? Does one have the instinct for honesty and humane justice? Does this instinct set its horizon upon only one outcome or does it consider all factors like selfishness, hatred and love in the abstract? Is the feeble mind a fair mediator of conflict which can rightly see all sides? I basically believe that soon age will slow us all down and so all battles need not be fought and won. It is better to live at peace with onself than be corpses addicted to petty amusement.

We were brought up with tales of many a handsome prince and many a beautiful princesses. We were only told gallant tales of winning love, of slaying dragons and conquering love. Why were we never told stories of how to live happily with our princesses? How do we know what is the right way to love, to live a married life and how to keep our love? Why were we not told tales of how to love? Are we to watch the movies and assume the way to love and assume the way to live with a woman? Are we to behave the same as we behaved with our Sisters and our Mothers, fighting and throwing tantrums? Will that work with our wife or loved one? Will she call that physical and mental harassment? In living together with a loved one, it is important to consider, not just feelings, satisfactions and good things in the relationship, since living together on an everyday basis inclines to highlight (in ways just dating and casual love does not) bad habits, bad manners, bad moods, and finally the most important factor - boredom. Few, if you may imagine, can be thrilling and exciting, new and wonderful but not all of them. I don't understand why people who are in deep love "just want to live together." Is not the living daily together the toughest part of a relationship or marriage? Does not living apart, even though seeing each other everyday or most of the time, allow some privacy, some ignition and some recuperation from all the time together?

I think it's pretty easy to become attracted romantically to other people but we should not expect that relationship to flower with the sweet smell of success just because of those feelings. I believe that one can relish the feelings of love without even telling the person we love. It's better that way. Isn't it better not to own and be responsible for someone? Was it not feasible if one could tell the other they are attracted to, either intellectually, sexually, romantically, however, about their love and stay smitten by them or to them without thereby seeking or needing to become lovers or have a fuller relationship? The trouble only begins if one freezes one's life expectations or let it ruin because one wants to act unsuitable so as to tamper those feelings or would like them returned. The irony is that the other person might be very pleased and satisfied just to know that you care about them, as long as neither of you behave unreasonably or have unreasonable expectations or demands just because of the attraction.

As we grow older, we may remember more of those fairy tales. Loved ones would leave us, friends and acquaintances would surprise us by appearing again, and those respected tales meant for fairies we imagined as young children of this earthly world may disappear one by one.

22 comments:

brocasarea said...

one point is very much true..behaving alike with our sis and loved ones...that never works..!!!

Sujeeth said...

Real life starts after "they lived happily ever after"..... fairy tales are hard to find or completely extinct..... but everybody wish to live a fairy tale like life..... full of happiness-bed of roses-full of love....... Its good to work towards that..... especially in such hard times when love and care are just ornamental words!!!!!!

Indyeah said...

a very interesting post..and you have written really well:)

I think if an individual was raised right...that is the parents did a great job in making him/her a worthy kind compassionate human being then he/she will not have to learn much....
sure a few adjustments when a new life starts but overall a smooth transition:)
''Are we to behave the same as we behaved with our Sisters and our Mothers, fighting and throwing tantrums? Will that work with our wife or loved one? ''
with a balanced and equal gender upbringing this wont happen..:)

I do agree on this that all fairy tales end when the two lovers meet..whereas that is where they should begin..:)

hope,trust and love are all that are required to believe in fairy tales..:)

vishesh said...

:) I liked the way you talked about integrity :) as for behaving in the same way with a romantic partner...no experience yet ;)

Reema said...

Interesting post. I second Indyeah's views.

Chirag said...

@We were brought up with tales of many a handsome prince...

Yep, we were never given any guide book, I guess that helps too..in a way we get to explore the life.

P.S: First time visit, something tells me I'll be back

Rinchen said...

How do we know what is the right way to love, to live a married life and how to keep our love?

:P Yeah, they dont make movies that show us how to do that, I agree.

Very profound questions - I guess we'll just know. One step at a time. And learn new things at each point and grow incredulously aware of just how different it is to have another person whose opinions and existance count as your very own :)

shail said...

"I don't understand why people who are in deep love "just want to live together." Is not the living daily together the toughest part of a relationship or marriage?"

You have asked a question here and more connected with this. The answer is quite simple actually as I see it of course. People are different. Some may want to live together, some don't. Some may not need that privacy, some do, some don't need recuperation time as the normal separation due to work needs and such is enough time for recuperation for them, others may need more time... Some say long distance relationships don't work, some can carry it off so well and be as close and in love as any two people can hope to be. Some can relish their feelings of love without telling the object of love about it. Others simply have to tell. We are all individuals but unfortunately not treated as such.

Deeps said...

A very well written post.First time here and i'm glad I stumbled upon a wonderful blog.Will look forward to reading you more often.

"As we grow older, we may remember more of those fairy tales. Loved ones would leave us, friends and acquaintances would surprise us by appearing again, and those respected tales meant for fairies we imagined as young children of this earthly world may disappear one by one." very well said.But that has not deterred me from telling fairy tales to my daughter,although she is yet to begin to enjoy them fully.

Biju Mathews said...

@ brocasarea: Yeah, exactly! Living with people should be a subject in school instead of say maybe, History!! Thanks!

Biju Mathews said...

@ Sujeeth: Yeah, everyone wishes a happy fairy tale ending but never make it. The tales should not end a happy note but should give us insights of what to expect. Thanks!

Biju Mathews said...

@Indyeah: Thanks!

"...worthy kind compassionate human being then he/she will not have to learn much...." - Maybe I'm wrong but compassion ends where ego begins. It's impossible for normal mortals to avoid frictions

"...with a balanced and equal gender upbringing this wont happen.." - Gender equality at home has its problems. The new awaiting relationship and new home may not support that and the individual gets torn between two different worlds

Yes, we need to have hope, trust and love

Thank you for your comments!

Biju Mathews said...

@Vijesh: Thanks! You will get your romantic break. Trust me :-)

Biju Mathews said...

@ Reema: Thanks so much for visiting! Indyeah does have some valid points here but as I was telling her, compassion ends where ego begins and it's impossible for normal mortals to avoid frictions. Two different personalities are at work in love which just fades after some time

Biju Mathews said...

@ Chirag: Welcome to my blog! Thank you so much. Yeah, we all need a guide book in social living

Biju Mathews said...

@ Rinchen: By the time we learn how to live with him or her, step by step, we would have already created enough vaccum and communication gaps to be in the "love" mode. Thanks for coming by..

Biju Mathews said...

@ Shail: I like what you wrote here, "..Some can relish their feelings of love without telling the object of love about it. Others simply have to tell. We are all individuals but unfortunately not treated as such..." How true!!

Thanks so much!

Biju Mathews said...

@ Deeps: Welcome to my blog. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks! I'm not saying that those innocent lovely fairy tales shouldn't be told but tales of living the harsh way should also be told. As young men and women they should not get a shock and just keep remembering those fairy tales

shail said...

Your comment to Deeps reminds meof this song:

Maa sunao mujhe woh kahani
Jisme Raja na ho na ho Rani

Jo hamari tumhari katha ho
Jo sabhi ke hriday ki vyatha ho
Gandh jis mein bhari ho dhara ki
Baat jis mein na ho apsara ki
Ho na pariyan jahan asmani

Vo kahani jo hasna sikha de
Pet ki bhookh ko jo bhula de
Jis mein sach ki bhari chandni ho
Jis mein ummeed ki roshni ho
Jis mein na ho kahani purani

Biju Mathews said...

Shail: Exactly! How sweet of you to put it here. Thank you

Onthewingsofadream said...

relationships are complex ...
it takes lot of passion to adjust your life for someone .

good one Biju ..

Biju Mathews said...

@Onthewingsofadream: I just hope people can learn to let go and make life less complex. Hope young couples can realize that after all they are together for a purpose and try not to own each other. Thanks for coming by..