Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Choosy Love Vile




I always feel that human beings are great suckers for a beautiful face and probably a very sexy shape. These obsessional, crying and demanded generalizations about “attractiveness” finds me wondering how on earth the fat, short, scrawny and the absolutely flat chested human beings manage to find love. Maybe I'm generalizing things too far out. Maybe the more rebellious of mankind would like to contradict but I'm really thwarted to notice that there is usually no cryptic criticism of the supposals that these assumptions are based upon. Why do we even care?


The ultimate point of love is to get married and finally the factual point of getting married is to have children. I know that there are of course biological mating motives and urges of which we are not conscious, which is why most people want to have kids of their own in spite of the realism that there maybe very little pure rationalism to do so and why women in general bond very fast with their new borne and feel protective of them, and yet again why young persons masturbate and have sexual urges long ahead anyone ever explains sex to them.


I wonder what are single men/women, then? Tragic losers just looking forward to the probable occurrence of the biological imperative to kick in? Of course, I don’t imply that women in general are programmed to be sluts, nor do I imply that men are incompetent of being misogynists. But I believe that people get trapped in an oscillation of hungering approval, wanting love and dreaded rejection. It's an awful spinning wheel of confusion and pain. Seeking commendation from everyone around us is similar to the nauseous giddiness a ballet dancer feels when she doesn't keep her eyes on one object as she twirls and turns.

43 comments:

philip9876 said...

Maybe if the society and elders in general didnt frown upon casual sex, marriage wouldnt have gained so much acceptance as it has today.

The one and only reason why people today marry is to have uninhibited sex. The main thing driving love is sex. Its physical attraction towards your mate that some people probably confuse with love. Anyway love without any lust will fade off too soon. My 2 cents ;)

That's not to confuse a parents love for kids or love between siblings.

vishesh said...

read this book called the red queen :) If you haven't already read :)

Indyeah said...

Very interesting posts you are coming up with Biju!:)
This one's a quicksand if one is not careful:D
Do human beings like attractive mates ?Yes,most of them.
But as you said there cant be a generalisation so there are those who couldnt care less about the looks.

Another question is ,how does one define attractiveness?
What may be attractive to me may be repulsive to you.and vice versa

I would disagree and say that the point of love is not to get married at all.....maybe in India the majority are forced to (or sometimes want to)get married because of societal pressures,but love does not bring with it an obligation to get married:)

And getting married doed not mean having kids.

though of course as a general phenomenon ,marriages happen in India leading to kids.But love doesnt come into the picture for a lot of couples until after marriage..


why do single women/men have to be losers?They could be perfectly happy individuals on their own.
:)
Though I do get what you have written here,yet its a topic that has so many layers that its almost impossible to start anything and end it in a definite manner.

''Seeking commendation from everyone around us is similar to the nauseous giddiness a ballet dancer feels when she doesn't keep her eyes on one object as she twirls and turns.''
this was a beautiful way to see it..

Solilo said...

Biju, I clicked on the comment space to post something similar to what Abhi already posted. :)

After reading you for sometime now I get the feeling that you don't want to cave into the pressure of marriage but you are forced to.

Pi said...

How do you explain online love or love that a handsome young man has for his handicapped wife etc.,?

Love is certainly above it all. Physical attraction is a set of chemical reactions, that dies sooner than later. What sustains a loving relationsip is moe than just raw lust!

:-) My two cents..
-Pi

Reema said...

Hmm have u read Allan Pease's first book?

Sujeeth said...

Biju.....You are coming up with some thought educing themes these days.... I am trying to guess where the real problem is rooted (no pun intended)

Good one this time biju....

Biju Mathews said...

@philip9876: You are absolutely right. It's like, "If you cannot control yourself, marry!!" There is no love in the world. Love is just a myth! (My belief) :-)

Biju Mathews said...

@Vijesh: Red Queen? Is it the evolutionary hypothesis? Let me know!

Vee said...

I once asked my elder sister if my then friend will ever get marry as he was the heaviest in whole locality. She replied, 'every one has a match already made'. I did not understand. Later, when I got acquainted with movies, I thought prolly she was having huge Yash Raj influence as such things doesn't work. Everyone wants a beautiful companion but I was wrong. U got what I mean?

Biju Mathews said...

@ Indyeah: Thank you. Thank You!

"..Do human beings like attractive mates ? Yes,most of them..." -- But why? What will the ugly do? don't they deserve love, marriage and kids?

"...but love does not bring with it an obligation to get married.." -- So why do young men and women fall in love? Time pass?

Biju Mathews said...

@ Solilo: Yeah, I simply am afraid to give my heart again. But this post was inspired by a friend of mine who recently lost a love which she thought would be there for ever. She is attractive but dark and not the "average" girl every family could accept. He simply used her and her sobs still ring in my ears and pierce my conscience. I'm ashamed to be called a MAN

Biju Mathews said...

@ Pi: An online love ends the day it looses its magnetism and color. Maybe you are confused between commitment and love. Love is just a feeling, a euphoria of being wanted, an excitement with a blend of change in ones life.

You are right when you say that, "Physical attraction is a set of chemical reactions, that dies sooner than later."

Biju Mathews said...

@ Reema: Are you referring to his "Body Language?" I'm not sure if its the first but yes, I've a copy. Liked it and was deeply interested in the topic and I remember I went reading all about the subject in the internet :-)

Biju Mathews said...

@ Sujeeth: Thank you. Thank you! The real problem lies in the way people look at the media and make standards of "beauty"

Biju Mathews said...

@ Vee: Thank you for coming by my blog. Tagore wrote, "The faith waiting in the heart of a seed
promises a miracle of life
which it cannot prove at once" But does age and time wait for the young who want to marry? Both time and age don't wait for each other!

Vee said...

There's a very interesting usage of words.. 'who want to marry' ... :)

Biju Mathews said...

@ Vee: Ha HA. Let's see, I imagine you posting your marriage invitation card on your blog as a new post :-)

Vee said...

Haha, Marriage Invitation!!! no ways. I am not getting married.... one and only thing which I am sure of in life.

Biju Mathews said...

@ Vee: You never know when the quiver from the valentine can rob those peaceful nights and make them sleepless. I'm cursing you, oops..blessing you with it :-)

Vee said...

Lol, I am anyways always sleepless without the quiver full of arrows, so that's nuff for me and it was a curse indeed.. :) :)

abhishek said...

Sex is one of the most important part of a married relationship but society insists on marriage to bring some kind of order to the society and if sex would have driven everything then there would have been total chaos...you know people having sex with whichever person they like...mother,father,sister,brother...marriage brings some kind of sanctity into the society.

Indyeah said...

Llol@timepass!:D
who knows what it love is..??:D I dont...

And the guy who did that to your friend deserves hell...

Biju Mathews said...

@ Vee: Then it's actually better to be in love than have sleepless nights Ha ha :-)

Biju Mathews said...

@abhishek: Welcome to my blog! Thank you for coming by..

You said it right. The art of proposing, courtship and marriage all started when human beings thought it better to be civilized!! They were merely animals before that..

Biju Mathews said...

@Indyeah: Hell is actually all fun and frolic. I wish him the remorse paradise!! :-)

Onthewingsofadream said...

a good one Biju ..I am soorry I cud not read your posts in last few days ...i'll try to catch up in next week ..

Love is not a myth ...but its also not pure and selfless nowdays ....

I think attractivenss is matter of choice ...and it does differ ..but yes everyone want attractive partners ..but later as we grow , we seek partners on other qualities too .... but again good face and body are easy distractions ...

Marriage is a wonderful thing to do ..if with the right person ..and who is right for u only u can say ...so to each its i own ..

sex is important and its unfair to marry for sex and kids alone ...but if thats the only thing that matter to someone ..let it be ..its all fair ..

may be I need something different ..may be I am still living in dreams ...

Deepika M said...

Nice Blog Biju...and must say this was a very interesting perspective. A friend once had remarked..Marriage is the only way to have sex legally :) Cheers!

Reema said...

no i was talking about his book "why women cry and why men lie" Good book.

Biju Mathews said...

@Onthewingsofadream: No, you are not living on a dream, you are right in many ways. I liked what you wrote here, "but again good face and body are easy distractions ..." and "..but yes everyone want attractive partners ..but later as we grow , we seek partners on other qualities too ..."

People fall for the easy infactuations in life and then they suffer. And as the saying goes, "Everything that glitters is not gold!"

Biju Mathews said...

@ Reema: No, Reema, haven't read that; I'm going to the library in the afternoon, would see if they have a copy. Thanks!

Biju Mathews said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Biju Mathews said...

@dDeepika: Unfortunately true! I'm actually doing a post on the institution of marriage. Thanks for coming by...

The Illuminator said...

That's why the matters of the heart are segregated from matters of the head. I think it's more than just oscillations, it's cyclic. Had it not been for the instinct for 'mating' no species would have flourished on the earth. So I don't think we must be extremely judgmental about love but you have a point somewhere.

Crafty Shines said...

do i agree with u or do i simply absolutely agree with u?!
matrimonial ads get some of my award-winning smirks - "wanted fair slim homely girl"...how the hell does that qualify for a girl who can make a family happy??!
saw the ordeal of getting a suitor for my "not-fair, not-conventionally-beautiful" cousin. and how easily ppl pass mindnumbingly stupid judgements, "ooh the girl is too good for the guy, she looks much better!"

Quoting calvin n hobbes that best expresses my emotions,
Calvin: "I wonder if u can refuse to inherit the world?"
Hobbes: "I think if u are born, its too late"

Biju Mathews said...

@Illuminator: Thank you for coming by! True,- "instinct for mating" is probably the only culture which mankind has never outgrown

Biju Mathews said...

@ Crafty Shines: Yeah, I agree with you. So I think, end of the day, men need a beautiful (very), humble (very), dowry giving rich (very) and a child making robot who jumps, runs and sleeps when he says so... The stupid way of life :-)

Som said...

well .. For the purpose of Initial attraction, looks are necessary to an extent but that doesn't gives you a pass to a cordial and long lasting relationship ...

more so I have heard few of my Angelic friends utter the words "Good looking me are never trust worthy" .. God knows how much they meant it .. but it surely made Morons like me feel good. :P lolz .


By the way Why So Serious ?!! Chill Bro ..

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